I never dreamed I would end up in a plastic surgeon's office discussing options for a tummy tuck. I never judged anyone who got one or considered getting one. It just wasn't for me. The procedure sounded painful and the recovery sounded even worse. "Why the hell would anyone sign up for this?" I'm terrified to go under the knife, so it never crossed my mind to consider any elective surgeries in this lifetime.
It started about 4 years after my son was born. He was a tiny 6 pound 9 ounce miracle, but I was "all belly," as everyone would say. I also had surgery right before he was conceived. The insertion point was in my abdominal wall. Shortly after, we started fertility treatments that lead to insemination, which took on the first try. My body had no time to heal. I started having excruciating pain in my lower left side. This would go on for 2 years. The pain would show up whenever it felt like it. Once, I was at a very important work dinner. I thought I would pass out. I also started noticing an increasing, rippling bulge down the center of my stomach. Of course, I Googled that shit. I diagnosed myself as having diastasis recti. I started doing all the things. I paid for eBooks and programs promising to fix it without surgery. I would have stood on my head for days if someone said it would fix the unsightly look of my stomach and for God's sake, stop the pain I kept trying to ignore on my left side. It got worse. I would be in so much pain that I'd drop to my knees and go cross-eyed. It felt like someone was stabbing me and twisting the knife. It had to stop. It was affecting my quality of life.
I went to my OBGYN, I went to my family doctor, I scheduled a colonoscopy, I read everything on the internet that even remotely sounded like it could be related to what I was feeling. One topic kept popping up - hernias. So I scheduled a consult with a surgeon who specializes in repairing hernias. He scheuled a CT. The results were ready the sameday. As it would turn out, he saw 3 hernias. He said the one on my left side was inguinal and most likely the source of my aches and pains. The midline hernias were harmless but cosmetically not appealing. He recommended we fix them all at once, but that would require opening me hip to hip. Because he's not a plastic surgeon, he shared that he could team with one so I would be properly sewn back up and my muscles could also be repaired.
And so, here I was faced with a huge decision. Leave the unslightly bulges and split abdominal muscles, or go all in with the double surgery. After a few weeks of deliberation, I decided to go all in.
I cried the whole way to the hospital, even on the valium the doctors prescribed to calm my nerves. I was experiencing high blood pressure, unusual for me, and extremely anxious. Even on valium, I was feeling unerved. "What am I doing?" That's all I could keep saying over and over in my head. "Could I deal with the pain and avoid this 6 hour surgery? What if I don't wake up?" It was one dark thought after another.
When I arrived at the surgery center, they asked me how I was feeling. My husband quickly answered for me. "She's nervous." The way he said it, I could tell he was too. As they prepped me, he kept reassuring me I would be fine and that before I knew it, I would be waking up from it all and happy it was done and over. He reminded me that the pain I was having is what brought me here. This is what we were fixing. From anyone else, this sort of assurance would have been ignored. But coming from this man, who has been through 2 major life-saving surgeries - cut from chest to pelvis, I found my inner peace and strength.
When I finally woke up, my husband was right there. So were my parents. "Sweetie, you awake? You awake? You did fantastic," I could hear the nurses say as I was heavily blinking my eyes awake. It was over.
The surgeon came in. There were 6. 6 hernias and a small tumor. They repaired it all and used my tissue. This meant no mesh. I was stunned but also relieved to not have mesh. The thought of the hundreds of sutures already inside my body was enough to make me squeamish. I am forever grateful for these two surgeons and all the work they did to put me back together. I thought it would be helpful to share my experience and also the preparation for this surgery, as well as the recovery. There were many things I did that lead to a successful surgery and a quick recovery. I share this in my next blog post of essentials for a tummy tuck, muscle repair, or mommy makeover.
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